I've been a long time member of academia.SE but I created this alt account because the question is a bit embarrassing. I finished my PhD 4 years ago and after a 2 year postdoc at a different university secured a contractual lecturership. During my PhD I never realised I had fear of public speaking, because I always felt secure presenting in front of my supervisor. Even at conferences, his presence in the audience was enough to keep me relaxed.
Fast forward to my postdoc, I was mostly working and publishing by myself. So, even if I had to present something it was to my coauthors, with which I am okay. But as a lecturer doing research part of my time, I am involved in projects and seminars where I am expected to present my latest work. Being on my own has brought out my inner anxiety, so much so that I choked during a presentation, had to drink water to calm my nerves and apologise for my breathlessness and slurred speech. That was the most embarrasing thing in my life. Please note that the anxiety is not the result of me not publishing or doing research. I have published more than most in my department. Knowing that hasn't helped with the anxiety though. I am constantly making excuses to get out of project presentations and seminar talks. Fortunately, the anxiety is less intense in teaching and I am able to manage.
How do I survive as an academic? Now even conference presentations seem daunting. I can publish exclusively in journals, but how do I get out of giving project and departmental presentations? How can I politely refuse to present without revealing my situation? Or better yet, how do I fix the whole thing? That one bad presentation has really messed me up.
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