I am an "abnormal" graduate student in the sense I had been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome by a professional psychiatrist when I was in college. In college days I mostly study mathematics on my own and covered the subject by reading textbooks/lecture notes online, and I mostly learn by having private conversation with the professor instead of going to the lecture. However after entering graduate school I noticed for teaching undergraduate students, this approach does not really work. Last semester I tried to teach measure theory to my students in the probability class, and the result was in the end of the semester they still did not get what expectation really is.
This semester I have changed my approach and assuming that they knew nothing more than pre-calc. As a result my teaching performance has improved. But I still suffer from problems I assume normal instructors would not encounter. For an extreme example, I met a student asking me for quiz contents tomorrow and who makes the quiz, because the ones I gave tend to be more difficult. I responded that any event is likely including I die because of traffic accident or suicide because of depression, and in the above case there will be no quiz to prepare for.
(Added: When he pointed out this was quite bleak point of view, I suggested that) another quite unlikely event is I won Megamillion tickets and decided to quit grad school, so there will be no quiz too. (Added: Similar to this I also quoted possibility of me being late or there is a class cancellation due to snow storm. When he pointed out that no one can foresee these events, I suggested that is why having health insurance that enable me to see a therapist as well as covering physical diseases is important.) I suggested that he should prepare for anything that might happen with the quiz, and take consideration of the probabilities to maximize his performance of quiz with the time and energy constraint available.
(Added: When he suggested that bell curve is all he needed to pass this course), I also told him real life events often do not follow Bell curve and central limit theorem has limited value for random variable with no expectation exists. To make sure he is not confused, later at night I sent an email to the class repeating my points and suggested everything in the book we learned so far can be tested, and the bonus problem content can be coming from anywhere.
Later I received an email from the instructor of the course, claiming that the student was so unhappy that he suggested to remove me as an TA, because I made him "extremely uncomfortable" and "a bit scared". Further the student suggested I am "literally crazy". But I could not notice anything illogical in what I told him or craziness out of me. The instructor and I had a down to the earth conversation on this. I promised that this would never happen again. However, to be a responsible person I am confused what exactly went wrong. I suppose this is not an isolated event because the instructor told me he has received "many complaints" from students already. My questions are as follows:
What did the student went through? Why is he unhappy? I did not use any profane language or threatened him in any way. I think what I said are largely "abstract nonsense" everyone knows. In fact, I think I was being very polite for speaking with him on this boring topic for 15 minutes or not appear to be unhappy with him at all. I thought he would think like what I did during my student days, that before a test students wish the class might be cancelled and one can spend more time to review.
Has there been anyone else in this forum also having Aspergers syndrome? Can someone describe his/her experience and make some suggestions?
Is there anyway for me to avoid this kind of unwanted events in future? There is no prospect that I can "convert" to a normal person. And I do not want people to be unhappy with me for trivial events like this in future. I could have dismissed the case as the student being irrational, but I think there might be something deeper into it. So I think I should ask.
Even if there is no one mentioning this on my future teaching reference, would I be qualified for a teaching position in future once I got out of grad school? I ask because it is literally impossible for a graduate student in my university to get a serious research oriented post-doc unless he or she did something very remarkable. While I am not diffident about myself, I feel I should be serious with my future teaching career now, since I would have to teach as a post-doc as well and there will more teaching load.
Answer
I think what I said are largely "abstract nonsense" everyone knows.
I'd bet that's part of the issue here. When people ask a question, the general assumption is that the answer will try to maximize usefulness. When this doesn't seem to be happening, it's viewed as a very strong signal. For example, suppose I ask you "Are you having lunch with John tomorrow?" and you reply "I don't know. Maybe he'll commit suicide tonight." If there's no special risk of suicide, then this is a useless answer, since everyone knows suicide is a theoretical possibility that would disrupt the lunch plans. So it's natural to interpret this answer as suggesting you honestly fear John will kill himself. Giving a logically correct but near-vacuous answer is considered highly eccentric (if not done deliberately) or rude (if done deliberately). Either way it will upset people, because it completely throws off their ability to judge what is really meant. It can be OK as a joke under the right circumstances, but otherwise it's generally problematic.
So there's a real danger whenever you try to explain "abstract nonsense everyone knows". It can be misinterpreted in many ways. "He thinks I'm an idiot who needs to be patiently told things everyone knows", "He's making fun of me", "He's intentionally being rude", "He's gone crazy and can't stop talking about suicide and the bell curve even though they are irrelevant to my needs", "He's severely depressed and is trying to prepare me for the possibility that he might be gone by tomorrow [or is awkwardly asking for help]", etc.
Math culture can play a role here as well. It's not uncommon for mathematicians to be a bit obsessive about logical correctness in everyday life. For example, when someone asks me about my lunch plans, I have to fight to urge to reply "as far as I know" instead of "yes", since of course I don't really know for sure. If I see a bag sitting my itself in my classroom as everyone is leaving and ask the class "Did somebody leave their bag behind?", I'm sure to get an answer of "yes" from multiple students. Among mathematicians, this communication style is widely tolerated, and it can be viewed as amusing or a sign of in-group solidarity, but it can really provoke non-mathematicians.
So it's important to keep in mind that Asperger's and math culture can line up in ways that interfere with effective communication. This is usually less important in advanced classes, but it can be a big deal in introductory classes, especially with students who are not majoring in mathematics.
Dealing with this can be nontrivial, but I'm confident you are on your way to sorting it out. As I see it, the two biggest obstacles are realizing that there's an issue and recognizing that it's more than just "students can be irrational", and you've made it past both of these obstacles.
Even if there is no one mentioning this on my future teaching reference, would I be qualified for a teaching position in future once I got out of grad school?
Yes, Asperger's is far from rare in mathematics and it is in no way a disqualification for a teaching career. Overcoming initial hurdles can lead to a very effective teaching letter, since this demonstrates a serious and professional commitment to teaching.
Many universities have a teaching center or the equivalent, where people can go for feedback or assistance with their teaching. For example, someone could sit in on your class and offer advice, or video a session and go over it with you (seeing yourself teach from a student's perspective can be illuminating). It might also be possible to be paired with a long-term mentor. There can be advantages to working with someone outside the math department (who is not involved in evaluating you professionally) or within the department (who can offer better feedback on the clarity of your mathematical explanations). Either way, it's worth looking into what resources might be available, since this can be a valuable way to improve and to demonstrate commitment.
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