I recently finished my Ph.D. in the U.S. and will be leaving soon for a job in industry. I have got a precious gift for my advisor as I really admire him and he is one of my role models and totally deserves it.
Now for giving him the gift I was thinking maybe I should take him out to dinner or something and then give him the gift. The problem is during these years we’ve never had such a relationship! Like we’ve been cool and he’s always been super friendly and supportive, but I have not even spoken to him over the phone!! Like we’ve either met in his office for in-person meetings or have been in touch via emails (although he twice invited the whole department to his house for barbecue and I went to his house, but that’s pretty much it).
So I feel like it might be a little weird to ask him out for drinks or dinner, especially since he has a family and kids and I’m single. I mean if I had a wife I would totally invite his whole family but now I don't know what to do. I am not planning for a farewell party either otherwise I would have invited him.
Should I just go to his office like always and give him the gift and say goodbye? Or should I ask him out? Or should I ask his whole family out? What is the professional/moral way of doing this?
Answer
What is the professional/moral way of doing this?
I think that if you have never invited/been invited to a casual gathering involving the advisor's family, it will be awkward to do so now. If you feel like a one-on-one dinner invitation is too much, how about a lunch appointment?
I will say this - many universities have strict rules on receiving expensive gifts from students/subordinates. If your meaning of precious is simply "of significant emotional value" (say, you made a piece of art yourself, or found a book that they really like) that's fine; if you mean expensive (say, an expensive watch) - your advisor may not be able to accept the gift at all (or, as is the case in my university, will have to report the gift and then give it to the school).
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