I'm applying to UIUC and have asked 3 of my professors to write me recommendation letters. One professor, who I discussed my application with before extensively, wrote back to me after I was done with everything that he doesn't write a LOR to students who do not waive their right to view the letter at a later date, because if I don't trust my professors, I shouldn't be asking for their help.
I'm pretty dumbfounded by this, considering that he never mentioned this before and that I've never come across a situation like this. It's not even a trust issue! It's pure feedback. Why would you keep feedback from someone anyway?
So I waived my right to view his letter, but now I'm not sure how to write back to him. I don't want to write an uncomfortable email to the department I'm applying to - UIUC procedure - as to why I have to switch professors if he still refuses to write one. Is there a polite, apologetic way to say to him that I had not intended to convey any feelings of mistrust, and that it was to see what were my strengths and weaknesses from a professor's perspective? Or should I take the weird route and change professors, because he'll write me something less-than-glowing now?
Answer
...wrote back to me after I was done with everything that he doesn't write a LOR to students who do not waive their right to view the letter at a later date, because if I don't trust my professors, I shouldn't be asking for their help.
In my opinion, your professor didn't need to say "because if I don't trust my professors, I shouldn't be asking for their help." That's his interpretation, not yours.
That being said, don't start to defend yourself even you feel you've been insulted. Look for the kernel of truth of what he's saying and agree with that part. This isn't the first time, nor the last, that someone is going to attribute a negative intent that you do not hold. To be successful in life, you have to be willing to pick your battles and not try to challenge every little misinterpretation someone may have about you. It's not worth it. Look at the problem from his perspective.
This Professor is very busy. Writing Recommendation Letters is just one more chore that he can say 'no' to (when he probably has a backlog of required work that can not wait and that he can't say 'no' to). And out of all the requests he gets, I'm sure that all the students expect a glowing recommendation from him, but in order for a recommendation letter to be valuable and interesting to its intended recipients, it actually needs to be as brutally honest as possible.
In other words, you should indeed acknowledge that he changed your mind, that you do trust him, and that his recommendation letter may probably be the only one taken seriously by its recipients once you waive your right to view it. You should further acknowledge that you know he's very busy, that he doesn't need to write you a recommendation letter, and that it's perfectly fine if he doesn't want to do it, but that you would be super grateful if he did (now that you've waived your right to review it).
In other words, you need to give him a way out, you can't guilt him into writing a letter, nor can you force him through arguments into writing a letter, because if you do any of that, that may taint his letter negatively and having a tainted letter will be a thousand times worse than having no letter or having to call and change the name of the Professor your recipients should expect a recommendation letter from.
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