bioinformatics - How to selectively download 3 fields from every record in UniProtKB?

I want to download a comprehensive table of protein names from uniprot.org.

More precisely, I want to generate a tab-delimited table consisting of the id (accession), entry name, and protein names "columns" from the UniProtKB database.

I want to get these three columns/fields for all 80M records in UniProtKB, and I don't want to specify all those Uniprot IDs through, e.g., a bazillion URL-encoded queries. Also, I need to do this from a host that I can access only through a text interface, which basically rules out browser-based solutions.

I just spent a couple of hours going back-and-forth over the Uniprot site's docs, and I can find nothing useful. The Perl example given there¹ shows how to download full records, but downloading every full record from UniProtKB would be too slow and onerous to be considered².

Does anyone know how to modify the Perl example (or any other way) to download only the three desired columns from UniProtKB?

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_{¹ You need to click on the phrase "Perl example" to see the code.
² I downloaded a small test sample of 1000 full records, I found that the size of the information I actually want from those records is only 0.2% of the total. IOW, downloading the full records would take up ~500x as long as downloading only the desired information.}